I recently attended a fascinating and emotionally-charged talk by Samantha Soma at DareConf 2014, ‘How to stop rescuing people’. It strongly mirrored my experience of moving into a leadership role and I’d recommend anyone with a spare 30mins to watch it.
Samantha’s talk made me reflect on how I struggle to coach talented individuals; how I can identify when it’s going wrong and what steps I can take to remedy the situation.
Gold star syndrome
A new concept for me and a recurring theme throughout the sessions at DareConf, ‘Gold Star Syndrome’ is a fixation on finding validation for your work. I feel this is a result of early childhood values spinning the perception of working life away from the actual reality. As a child, especially during our school years, we discovered that when we do good things, good things happen to us. Remember how it felt to get that gold star in your spelling test or that A+ on an English essay?
That was great in school and even through to University but working life is a much more terse environment and getting positive reenforcement is much less common. As professionals, the majority of our work goes unnoticed - until there is a problem or issue to solve. Then we feel open to the stinging criticism but resentful that months of good work went unnoticed.
When we continue to search for a gold star or continually strive for perfectionism we, as individuals, become much more insular and isolated. We tend to avoid showing our work until it is 100% ready and put up a shield to protect us from any feedback, in fear of being made to look stupid or being called a fraud.